A Heart Humbled By Reading

There is a struggle I've often dealt with in reading and studying. The sinful tendency in my heart is to become prideful because of books I've read or knowledge accumulated through reading (even though there are so many others who have read more and know more than I do). It becomes very easy in conversation to toss out a names of authors and books or to use some obscure theology term in a way that seems far more concerned with directing attention to myself instead of encouraging others in their faith. It's also easy not to correct how other people view my reading and knowledge. If I seem excited about reading and talking about books, buy good books and try to read a lot of books that still doesn't mean I am actually smarter, more motivated or more godly, but that tends to be something I rarely point out to people.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit is merciful to bring conviction and encourage growth of humility because of my reading. As I read books by men who love and know God in far greater degrees than myself, my spirit is humbled. While I work through Grudem's Systematic Theology, I am humbled by a God whose vastness and greatness defies the power of my intellect and understanding. I can clearly recall a prideful reaction several years ago when I heard others describing the difficulty of reading The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs. In my head I thought that I would be able to easily understand it and it could not possibly be so hard. I have recently started reading it as part of the Puritan Challenge and have realized that I clearly overestimated my own abilities and underestimated the focus and concentration it would take to read the book. My struggle to understand and work through a tough book to gain a better view of God is another area where my pride is brought low as I realize that in and of myself these things are difficult or impossible to comprehend. Not to mention how I am often humbled by how easily I forget what I have read and how difficult it can be to apply these things to my daily life.

Whatever knowledge and understanding (and it's not as much as I sometimes want think it is) God has given me is a gift. I am called to be a steward of these things just as I am called to wisely use my finances. In both cases, the gifts of God should be used to glorify, enjoy and serve him and not to glorify myself. When God humbles me in my learning and my weakness is revealed, it helps me to depend on him more. Ultimately, he is the one who will reveal himself to me through his word. I pray that God would help me to be humble in my reading, guide me to use what he is showing me to edify others and help me to apply his word to my own life and know him more.