A Lesson In Humility

When it comes to reading, books and discussing what I am learning, I tend to get a little excited. I'm always interested in trying to read and learn more and I find it helpful to read along with others. Perhaps it might be better to describe it as a "foolish overzealousness", particularly when it comes to determining how many books I am trying to read at a time, trying to take notes while doing so, seeking to discuss with others and, now, to write a blog post about it.

Is wanting to read a lot of books a bad thing? Certainly not. And to take notes, retain and apply the material? These are definitely good desires. Part of the problem comes when I start to think that I can read and grow in a knowledge of God without God's help. I wouldn't ever say that, but sometimes I think that's how I approach reading. I need to have a heart that depends on God and pray that as I seek to study and learn more, that he will provide grace to help me understand and apply.

Why do we need this grace? Well, I don't know about you, but sometimes I lack the desire to read. God's definitely grown me in this, but there are definitely times when I can get easily distracted or choose to do something less valuable with my time. Here's another reason. CJ Mahaney quoted David Powlison in his closing message for New Attitude last year. He said that we were "simple people". This weekend I was trying to catch up on the Systematic Theology reading plan that some people at church are using. The section I was in was discussion the attributes of God. As it began to get later, my eyes started getting heavy and I was having trouble remembering what I had just read. The next day, I was reading some more and I began to realize that I didn't remember much about what I had read. I began to think about God's omniscience and of our dependence and difference from God. He knows all and our finite minds have trouble comprehending and are apt to forget. We are "simple people" and we need the help of God and those around us to understand and apply.

So, what do we do in light of this? We pray and ask God for help. We lean on his promises to continue to conform us to Christ. And in humility, we take steps to read and retain the best we can. That means accountability, having others ask us about what we read. It means studying and taking notes. It means asking questions when we don't understand. It means having the humility sometimes to admit our forgetfulness and reread a great book that affected us in the past instead of pressing on to something new.

It also means seeing evidence of God's grace in the small steps we take. I can often dream big and set my goals very high. And there is nothing wrong with that. It may be that I desire to read a ton of books. Or that I want to take comprehensive notes on each chapter. Or that I want to write a blog post with a thought on every chapter I read.

And that's good, I want to strive hard for those kinds of things. But, I'm not there yet and it's bad when I get discouraged because I read and didn't take notes or haven't got the "perfect" blog post prepared for a chapter. My own ideas of what growth looks like and the areas where I can be tempted to perfectionism can get in the way. I need to walk in faith and trust God for the growth in my life. Then I can see his grace in the way I attempt to take notes in just one of the books I am reading or read one more book than I did last year or write a blog post that honors him even if it doesn't contain the complete annotated outline of a chapter I read.

God I pray that I would trust you for my growth in godliness and wisdom. Would I strive hard to know you more, but not trust ultimately in my plans or expectations. I pray for a patience that rests secure in your promises for my life. Would I give thanks and glorify you for every evidence of grace in my life, whether large or small, because of all it is undeserved and outside my power to obtain. In Jesus name, Amen.